Is this ecstasy?

She closed her eyes as she inhaled it's scent and smiled as she opened them. To let some weight off her shoulders, she tied her hair in a bun. She picked up bits of what remained, separated them carefully & rolled it all in a paper (best left uncrumpled). She then twisted both ends, tactfully, to lock it's contents. Her tact was magnificent yet simple, bold yet unadventurous. She had now sealed the secrets of her mind and decided to light them on fire. The fire seemed to have lit a small blob of light, which burnt brighter as she thought. Her thoughts surfaced each time the paper burnt, making mild crackling sounds that grew fainter as clouds of smoke were born. She was an artist and watched every silver lining as it pronounced itself to oblivion. 

Her mind was a raging fire & could mirror even a lion to a cat. Like the roaring thunder she could rise and fall to destroy every demon that meant to stop her. But she didn't flinch. She let the rain fall all over her, washing away every tear that was shed. She let her hair open to release the birds of myth born from droplets of water unlike the phoenix. 

It was a war. But none could see the slays & defeats. She would have normally decided to face it, but this time to decided to give in. She was hurt sometimes by her own beloved flaws, yet she stood there like a beautiful devastation. She was an unclaimed warrior, who realized the meaning of live from death and of triumphs from the failures of success. Her only fault being her commitment to a fault. She was now reborn as pure as the truth. Yet amidst all this she found herself at peace!   

                                    

                           

I am not a writer, anymore!

"I win, you lose!", Life sheepishly smiled at me! 

With karma on its side, Life had played its cards well. 

Last year was filled with craziness and reckless learning while it ended with lovely chapters of friendship, student life, shifting paradigms and with the letter 'a' of my laptop keypad not working! Then began this year, hinting years of responsibility that lie ahead and of a laptop that needed repair.  All this while life raced with me, sometimes running ahead of me, and at other times lacking the pace. I had decided to put my blinkers on, while she watched everything, wisely. When my blinkers came off this year, Life filled me up with so much that I was overwhelmed, to say the least. My Facebook notifications were overflowing with news of friends, near and dear getting married, celebrating their first kid's birthday and of expecting a second child, while there was the non-married clan who was achieving a lot through their start-ups or becoming sexy with their weight loss regime!  

Amidst all this, here I was trying to recollect where I had last met my social life and what post should I upload to regain my belief in my social existence. (If in case you're are wondering where Life was, it busy living!) I read and re-read my old blogs and wondered if I was the same person who had written them. Even with my blinkers I had picked up a lot of topics which I could have written about, but I just could not barge through the void. Life laughed relentlessly, every time I made a futile attempt to pen down something. Silly thoughts I tell ya, make my mind wander in as many directions as there can be!

This blog is my attempt to do what I love to do and to feel awesome about it. For some reasons, I love stories – stories which people share knowingly, unknowingly; stories which we live knowing, yet unknowingly. I love the inspiration that can be found, the relationships that can be built, the companionship that can be shared and the storytelling that can be told. I may not be a better writer today, but I sure have interesting stories to share.

So when my friends ask me today why don’t you write anymore, it makes me wonder whether I am a true blogger or even more whether I am a true writer. All I tell them then, is that I am not a writer anymore, I am just another story teller.

~ incognizant ~

" Dated: 27th April, year unknown

Dear Someone,

This one I had to write. Because I will never be able to say this in person. Not with the (beautiful) past that we share and definitely not with the present that we are growing with. Remember when I told you that everybody witnesses different versions of you. This makes people believe that you can never be true to them. Call me nuts, but I always believed that you were true to me, if not by the word but by emotion. Our relationship is so difficult for us to comprehend, let alone others. Beautiful yet unspoken, unclaimed and oblivious. It overwhelms me sometimes, it still does.

So, today shoving away all my apprehensions all I want you to know is that I am in love with you. Relentlessly, truly, devastatingly! But I guess staying away from an older relationship does not make way for a new one. Or does it? Only time will tell. Now that we are away, I keep hoping for time brings us together and when not, a warm hug from you changes all tear to smiles. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me. If not today, then may be someday I will. With this I stop, but my prayers never will.

Regards "

Exactly dated today, marked a few years back, I found this written on a piece of paper folded carefully between the pages of my diary. Reading this today gave me a reason to write again.
I am not sure how I had felt reading this piece then, but today I am content.
With Facebook encouraging sharing of back dated posts, couldn't find a better way of sharing an unforgotten memory. So whats your unclaimed memory?

To Love, With Love

It ran back to the corner of the dark room and held its legs close to its chest, as it heard the door crack open. In the dark silence of the room, it could hear the footsteps close slowly towards it. It shivered in fear and shrank into its sleeve. Just when the footsteps stopped marching, it slowly lifted its head only to notice a hand stretched out to it. It looked up, first at the hand and then at the smile on the person's face. Oh that smile! It was a reassuring one. A smile that it longed to see. A smile that assured freedom from the dark room of gloom. It stretched it's hand in weak response, only to be lifted up again. It was then, that it could escape the shambles of dark and touch upon the light, again.  This blog is not about a thing, person or place. This is not about an episode which will relive through words. This blog is about a Heart, lost and found!

Heart, was like anybody else.
It used to wander, never staying at a place, calculated when it ought to believe and trusted when it should have given a thought. Such was the idiotic heart, like a person who knew too less about himself. It discovered itself through others. It behaved the way others wanted him to behave, some liked him naughty, some wanted him to be well-mannered, a few others liked the hippie him, while some preferred to stay mum! Such is the story of a heart. It was happier at one moment, the next it was in despair; it felt proud of itself at once and hated itself notoriously the next; it felt the pain when someone was hurt, but smiled not knowing how to react. It hated itself most of the times, for all decisions, good or bad.  It was also confused most of the times, even when it was damn sure. It said sorry for almost thousand times a day, sometimes even when it was not its mistake. It was at times happily unaware that even brain plays its games and changes the rules of the game. While there were some who battered him to death, it still stood tall through all the shit and more. It had proved to be like anybody else, yet something about him meant something more.

When it escaped thru the doors of gloom, and let the first rays touch its cheek, a dew rolled down its eyes,  in response to the lovely retreat. The helpful hand was no more, it was only the heart's fancy. For no hand could rescue it from those dark shadows, except himself since that was its wish.
The heart now smiled  as it lay on the green pastures in peace. It now realized that Love comes, in many forms. And the best form of Love is the one that resides, within!

P.S - Here, role of the heart is played by Manali Deodhar - A good friend with a great heart. This is her story. This is the story of her lovely heart!

The Year That Was...

Have you ever experienced a high fall ride - where one yells on top his voice wishing it ends soon and at the same time enjoys the feeling of butterflies in his tummy?
Year 2014 was similar to such a joy ride.

The joy of moving back home and the trial of leaving a city which taught me how to love - life, work and myself.  It was a year that changed me in unknown ways. It made me believe that affection from family and close friends only grows with time. It taught me that there is power in NOWness and that past will always be a visiting guest. Yet it assured me that I can move on and achieve things I never thought existed. Such was this year - marked with lovable dilemma's.
2014 has been a great year and I am thankful for everything (if not all)!

Thank you for introducing me to some cool mentors and revolutionary think tanks.
I am still coping with the shockers!

Sleep is a luxury! If you are getting enough sleep, you are definitely going wrong somewhere.
Thank you 2014, for teaching me this mantra. The following quote sums it up so well -
 "If you could peer far enough into the night sky, you'd see a star in any direction you looked. When would you sleep?" (Credits - Pravin Suralkar)

Some close friends drifted apart this year and once unknown faces became dear ones.

Thank you for making me realize that I can never ever know it all and that unlearning is also a form a learning.

Maturity is only a matter of opinion and not a matter of time. 2015, will you no grow up?!

This year I learnt Economics (and adored the way in which it lovingly presented my illiteracy graph to me). Thank You 2014. Period.

ECONOMICS IS YOUR SUBJECT IF YOU THINK ECONOMIES OF SCALE WHEN YOU SEE THIS!

Finally at end to the blog with the hope that new year will bring new challenges to entail and new journeys to talk about.

  My new year resolution is to remember and write 2015 instead of 2014. 

Auf Wiedersehen 2014!

Let the party begin!

The Math of LOVE

"She thoughtlessly walked on the sands of today, leaving behind footprints of memory and then one day she banished into the waves"

They say Love is Beautiful. But what they don't tell us is the not-so-beautiful experience love leaves behind, when it departs. It tricks us to believe that someone can mean the world to us, making us leave our world aside. It makes us kneel, fall and skip heartbeats in its presence. It makes us count the moments spent together and create a host of memories which are not only difficult to let go but also difficult to relive with someone else.  And whenever this kind of Love leaves, be it after years, weeks or days, we are relentlessly destroyed for the other someone who can or will, be.

So can Love really be measured?
We measure love by the time spent together and by the time we cannot spend apart, the number of missed calls left unanswered and the number of minutes between each text message, the number of weeks before it is made ‘official’ to the number of months before it is called off.  We get easily caught up in the mechanics of love that we too often forget its quiet, indisputable now-ness. Isn't life already too scheduled to measure the intensity of emotions, leave alone Love.

The degree of hurt when the person in subject depends entirely on the degree of vacuum left behind by the person. Now how can one fill this void and to what extent? Like at times we might get the math wrong, the same can happen to Love.  And like in math when we get too messed up with the calculations, it's best to wipe it all off and start again, with the same variables, on a new page. Its best to start afresh!

As Samuel Leighton-Dore  quotes it best:
“ We need to harbor our love as though nobody in history has ever experienced a thing like it - as if there were no rules, no guidelines - no hints, tricks or clues. We need to harbor it as if there was no time - as if there were no numbers, and even if there were, they wouldn't even matter. To the world your love might be irrelevant and perhaps so, it must be. “

While most of us would disagree I take the liberty to say that Love, simply put, isn't numeric. There is no ideal way to measure it, or to sum it up. What love must teach us is to lead our life with someone, to accept there is some place empty that needs to be filled with care. But it should definitely not imply living someone’s life, like our own. Love which makes you forget yourself is no love at all. Love must make us, better versions of ourselves. And remind ourselves that we ARE capable of love and not merely crippled by it.

Because I said so!

After a month of abstinence from the blog, having faced the darkest unseen facets of self through interviews (as M.B.A admission season is at it's peak) and turning Candy Crush - the colorful Facebook game into my favorite pass-time; here I am again to write about something I recently experienced. Now that I look back on all the interviews I realize that even though the interviewers hailed from different age groups and from diverse industry backgrounds, yet each of them unanimously loved the question -
'Tell us, why should we admit you into our prestigious institute?'
To that question, every time I had an internal fight not to blurt out the response -
'Because I said so!' Like duh, isn't all my academic-life history good enough for you. Oh come on!

We may detest to admit it, but we all have experienced that one weak moment when we've ridiculously crushed our gut feeling and went ahead with the lot. Why? Because it was said so! We decided to take up a job because that's what most people did after graduation. Some secured a campus placement, while others relentlessly dropped applications on job portals. Got married at 25 because we have a society to answer and eh isn't that the right age to get hitched?  Chose to disown or rather compromise on career choices because, girl you gotta make that marriage work. What will others think? Have you ever given up on something, because at some point it sounded crazy trying to even explain it to others?

                               

For most part of our life we are taught to follow the rules. Rules laid by our parents - come home before the deadline or else you're grounded, spend wisely, so on and so forth.Rules laid by our university of the curriculum, assignments, projects and examination. We are taught to think within the boundaries laid by the society - the other people. And most of the times, if not all, we follow the rules and create that most suited life for ourselves. A life that lets us fit in the crowd. A life that makes us an undistinguished part of the whole. Then one day, when we're about to face a life changing interview, the interviewer insists on 'out-of-the-box' thinking. He demands an explanation on what makes you unique - stand apart, from thousand other applicants, he has grilled throughout the day.

And that's when life offers a wake-up call - what have you done differently all your life?

Are you happy in that high-profile job or that years-old relationship?

Today are you exactly where you wanted to be 5 years back?
Questions will never cease but you can choose to answer a few of them, right now. Real need of the hour is to question everything! To question the rules of the game called Life and to make your own.
Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion with out the discomfort of thought.
Not all questions are worthy of an answer.
Choose your questions wisely; the answers will never go wrong.

P.S - I play Candy Crush and still have a life. Go ahead and hate me all you want.

It's My Best Friend's Birthday!

Tatiana and Me when life was yet to begin, but our friendship already had.
(I still don't remember where this one was clicked!)

We first became friends.

Then over time (through all those weird life hacks)

now we're friends-for-life. 

It seems just like yesterday when we used to have hour-long phone calls and kept our parents wondering about the even longer phone bills that followed.

All those memories remain safe in the pages of my dairy and in the letters we wrote each other.

You were and will always be my go-to person.

All the important decisions in life are incomplete without YOU.

What a relief it is to find somebody who understands without words and loves with out a reason.

On this special day I thank god for giving me a friend, who is more than a friend.

I am lucky to have you.

Loads of Love,

Aakanksha Varude

This Blog Has NO Title

Recently I asked my closest friends whether they did read my Blogs.
With excitement and fervour that only best friends would show, they readily agreed and complimented me on my blog posts. Unexpectedly one of them who is very hard to impress complimented me too. That coming from him was a rare sight! And there he was complementing me, saying that I did write really very well, expressing sound emotions with almost apt words and alacrity. That moment right there, felt so nice. I was so happy and smiled from ear to ear (my usual reaction to compliments, as I have no idea what else to say). And just then as I was about to give him a big teddy-bear hug for all his kind words, he took the liberty to add this, very casually,
'But, listen since you asked I must tell you that I don't like the titles that you use.'

Err..yeah right dude! I get it. Thanks. I tried to show that I was totally un-fazed by his comment.
He liked my blogs, the way I write but not my blog Titles. Now what was that supposed to mean?
My mind had taken a U-turn. I wanted to ponder on all the topics that I had written till date, but I did not.
Instead I thought of writing a blog that runs the course with the reader's thoughts, like a flowing river, freely.
A blog that starts with NO Title. NO specific direction but ONE - to make this blog your own.

Many a times, in life we are subjected to questions like, 'What have you thought about your future?' (aagey ka kya socha hai?) or an interview is never complete without the epic question :
'Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?'
Now before you answer that question...wait...take a deep breath and answer this question first -
What did you think of yourself 5 years ago? Today, are you even close to what you'd imagined yourself to be?

We blame it on human tendency to think of 'bright' future prospects. We think it's OKAY to contemplate of all the good (we assume) that might happen in future. There are people who chalk out their course beforehand. The happy tripper's who know where they are going right from the beginning. And then there are the rest, who find their course as they thread on the path of their dreams. Like this blog, without a title, they believe that shackles of  a pref-fixed course will bound their view. They are willing to experiment and let the way lead them to something extraordinary. They are willing to take risks that way.
They know the difference between playing around and trying out things differently.
The ones who are willing to change build a future and not wait for it to unfold.

All our lives we strive to attain a TITLE that defines our lives for us. The credentials that stand proudly before our names, are but titles that help us attain familiarity in the society. What they fail to do, is convey our stories to that same society. The stories of hard work, of sweats and of achievements that are far more better and interesting than those mere titles. Two people can share the same degrees, stature and  monetary pleasures, but it is their story that will set them apart from each other. With this blog, I urge you to put some thought behind YOUR own story and to turn it into a tale to tell.

On that Note, I dare you to do things differently.
To surprise yourself by doing things you had never once thought of doing.

With this blog, I dare you NOT to think... Just Do It!!

Only Change is Constant

She woke up before the morning sunlight could softly touch her face. She rubbed her eyes off the turbulent sleep she was in, dreaming of him and sighed at the thought of getting ready for work. Another day of putting on a smile and facing the world, while she dealt with pain inside. She was aware that things needed to change and so did life. She wanted to move ahead but couldn't, as the only thing that pulled her two steps behind, was him. His memories and his touch. Moving forward just seemed impossible to her. Thoughts of solitary haunted her. She took a deep breath as she watched herself intently in the mirror. It reflected her image with all the broken pieces, shouting loud and clear that fear of change is a feeling, a feeling that only she could change. 

So why is it that we resist change? Is deciding to change something, enough to bring in the right attitude towards change or are we missing something here?

"When we are dumped into change, our favorite strategy is to try to recover our lives as quickly as possible."

Today, I beg you to think of change more positively. When we say “This is a game changer,” that connotes something good and positive. And yes, it’s okay to “change” your mind.
– Allan Karl, WorldRiderwww.allankarl.com

If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe you don't actually want it at all.

You have to choose something. You can't have a pain-free life. It can't all be roses and unicorns. Because if you have to choose, choose how you are willing to suffer.
Because that's the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have the same answer.
The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?
That answer will actually get you somewhere. It's the question that can change your life. It's what makes me me and you you. It's what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.

So what's it going to be? Think about it...

Now that you have your choice, you know you'll need to kick some a** but you don't know how? Here is what you need to do:
https://medium.com/life-learning/2a1841f1335d

Turning 25 and all that buzz!

I was asked to close my eyes, and walk into the room on the count of three. T-a-d-a surprise! I was greeted with rose petals falling from heaven (yeah...it was the ceiling fan actually, but who cares, I am 25 and dramatic in a way). And that my friends is how I walked into another spectacular year of living, that's how I turned 25 in a dreamy way. Now that I am officially allowed to begin my quarter-life crisis, I wish to compile a list of 25 reminders that will help me find myself again, whenever I tend to loose my mind.

                                             

1. Now that I am 25,

 I promise to stop asking kids for life changing ideas. 

2. I vouch to calculate better and faster.
Try me when I'm sober and you will know.

3. Seriously, read that one again. Save that dime girl!

4. I will take my own decisions without
 turning to Google for any expert advice.

5. I am proud to be myself and will always be - Flawed and Fabulous.

6. I will rise above the past and will try to
 believe not only in fairy-tales but also in love stories.

7. I will give myself a second chance.

8. Read that again.

9. I will devote more time to people and not apps.
 I will not take anything for granted, not even myself.

10. Reality is for people who lack imagination.
 I choose to believe in dreams.

11. I want to fall in love again. First with myself
and then with someone who loves me with my imperfections, perfectly.

12. And as much as I would like to continue (we are not proceeding to 25),
 I am sure we all need to break the rules (be lazy time and again)
and expect the unexpected.

I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive. – Joseph Campbell 

At this point in my life, I am doing what I like doing rather than being buried under the expectations of what I should be doing. This I think is way more important. I have hobbies that keep my mind busy, and my oldest friends are still my oldest and bestest friends. I think right now, for me, 25 is less of a scary age and more of a 'I'm going in the right direction' age, which is nice. And, as opposed to when I was 22- when my career was king and to hell with the rest - I now have everything in perspective, and know what is really important to me. I am more confident now than I was before and I can now watch horror movies without horrifying others (in my defence I have toned down a bit on that part, if I haven't stopped completely). Now the things that make me happy most of the time are a cup of coffee and a book in my pyjamas. Each to their own. So, anyway, yes, despite of being known to smile far more than I should  and startling people around me, I'm pleased to be where I am and who I am, around people I am with. Oh and some advice for those younger than my withered self - laugh at yourself more. Life ain't worth a damn if you can't find the hilarity in your own photo ID'ed self when the cashier looks at you like you're a grandmother/father to three young girls. Hardy har har, my god I'm old...